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Monday, January 2, 2012

Happy 2012

I can't believe when I look at my blog how long its been since i have written.
I feel like ever since getting pregnant and somehow surviving the summer i have just had a fog that has set in over my brain. 
Between the fog and the absolute exhaustion of juggling 2 year old twins 
and growing another baby
 I am in bed most nights before nine.
Some how that is changing now and some of my energy is coming back
mostly in the form of nesting. I am taking down the Christmas decorations as fast as possible and getting all of the baby gear up and organized. 
We are pretty much ready for "Little Man" as we have been calling him.

I have been reflecting alot this week on how much has changed in the last year. 
God had things in store for us that we had never even imagined, the biggest being another baby.
It took me a lot of time (and insight from Godly women placed in my life) to come to grips with the fact I am not in control and that I don't know what is best for me. I started a Bible study this past fall called

Hello! Could it have been titled any more appropriately? That is exactly how I felt. That God interrupted my life when it was just getting a little easier. After a very complicated delivery, no family close by, and many sleepless nights I was finally feeling like we were over the hardest part. The twins were over a year old, gaining independence and some cognitive thinking skills, and I felt ready to pick up more hours at work, join a gym, and just in general start making more time for myself. 

I was angry, frustrated, and anxiety ridden at God and at the situation.
How in the world was I going to be able to handle 2 toddlers and a new baby? 
Why couldn't this have happened to one of my many friends in WI who have their entire extended family living practically down the street from them?
Or why couldn't Russ get a transfer back to MI so I could have the help of my family? 

And then Pricilla Shirer broke it down for me like no one else could in her study called
"Jonah, Navigating a Life Interrupted"

I had no idea that Jonah and I had so much in common..
You may be wondering the same thing.

First,
Jonah was sent to Nineveh, which was a place of hopelessness
God often sends us into the hopeless place because its in the hopeless place that we can see the hope of God


Second,
Jonah was the only prophet who ever ran from God
I can relate to that! When my life and plans have been interrupted, I've wanted to rebel against it.
I am what Priscilla calls an "inside" runner. On the outside everything looks normal but on the inside
I am just going through the motions, emotionally detached, not embracing where God has put me.

Third,
The Word of the Lord came to Jonah a second time (Jonah 3:1)
Forgiveness of past sin qualifies us for present service. 
We get second chances. 
Today I am thankful that I love and serve a God of second chances.

I feel like starting 2012 is a "second chance"
Its a time to remind my self of the forgiveness I have received,
to let go of old hurt and pain
and to move ahead with the plan that God has for me.
I know that He has more that what I could ever imagine in store this next year!




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